Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?
by Hereward the White
Summary: You Rang, M'Lord? x CCS Crossover an alternative ending to the former. When Ivy Stokes and James Twelvetrees are made redundant, a mysterious figure whisks them away to the Cardcaptor universe to help them find new employment.
1. The Prologue

Disclaimer: All Japanese locations and upstairs characters belong to CLAMP; all British locations and characters save one are the property of the BBC. One new character is reminiscent of Dr. Who.

_Sendai kara Osaka ni_

_Anata ka mo shirenai onaji_

_Kurikaeshi ie de mina mo ichido,_

'_Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'_

_Machi e dete iku_

_Ugoku shakai tsuzuku,_

_Dai Hin Min to Dai Fugo._

'_Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'_

_Dakishimeru hen kara Tomoyo-chan_

_Kinomoto e to ai,_

_Soshite shoku kanojo ni, Sonomi,_

_Kanojo ni naru totemo kyosou no hageshii._

_Wakai aijin suihei uwagi kiru,_

_Senpai no burifukesu._

_Ingurando-jin wakaru ha-aku suru hanasemasen!_

'_Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'_

The Meldrums were partaking of lunch, while two were in good spirits the rest were anything but; as James refilled Lord Meldrum's tea-cup he glanced at the financial section of The Times and said to the others.

"This is very serious, not only are we losing out in the market but all the other companies are putting prices up." He flung down the newspaper and turned to his eldest daughter. "How long will it be before the factory can start production again?" Cissy looked up from her George Bernard Shaw book, thought for a moment and answered.

"I expect it'll be up and running in about a week, it all depends on how long it takes to fit the extractors." George Meldrum puffed up in shocked annoyance and exclaimed.

"Good God!" Before he calmed down. "I fear we'll have to make some more household cuts." Now Teddy looked up from his kedgeree and said.

"Don't be so hasty, George. You know that your new acquaintance, from that mortgage company, is coming round for lunch." George looked at his brother for a while before saying.

"Well, he's something of a realist; I think I can put it to him what I have in mind."

It had only been a week since they met. George was partaking of elevenses in a high class café when this young social climber joined him at the table; he introduced himself as Colin Bakewell, a man who had worked hard to make his name in society, even though he was hardly known. But Lord Meldrum recognised the business intuition in the lad and began to strike up some kind of friendship with him.

"You're really becoming something of an embarrassment to me, daddy!" Poppy exclaimed. "First you close all my shopping accounts, then you suggest I have a double wedding with a servant, then you make me sell some of my best summer dresses and now you're inviting every Tom, Dick and Harry round for dinner just because they're businessmen."

"Daddy wants to take every opportunity to save more money." Cissy told her sister, who just pouted while George frowned that he was being referred to in the third person.

---

Downstairs, only a few minutes later, Mrs. Lipton was making some tea for everyone (except Mabel of course) while Henry was polished the tea things. Just as Mrs. Wilson (formally Mrs. Lipton) took the kettle of the gas Ivy, James and Mr. Stokes walked in carrying a few of the dirty dishes.

"The rest are in the lift." Stokes commented. "Pull them down, Henry."

"Yes, Mr. Stokes." Henry replied miserably as he went over to the dumb waiter to bring the rest of the dishes down to the kitchen.

"Cor," Mabel commented, "Even when they've got financial trouble they still eat like horses. It seems like the dishes just keep on coming."

"That will do, Mabel!" James told her. "By the sounds of it his Lordship is going to make some staff reductions." He said as he moved on the conversation.

"Well, I'll be glad to get out of this kitchen." Mrs. Wilson said. "I've been married for nearly a week and I've still not been allowed to resign."

"Well, his lordship couldn't find another cook." Mr. Stokes responded. "Anyway I've already started preparing for that event. I'm going back on the boards!"

"That's all very well," James commented, "But I don't know what to do! I could start my own business but I like my work, I'd prefer to carry on in service but I don't know where to go."

"I know how you feel, Mr. Twelvetrees," Ivy answered, "I like providing good service for people. It makes me feel so warm inside."

"Yes, you're a very kind girl Ivy." Mrs. Wilson added as she mashed the tea. Just then, PC Wilson came in through the tradesman's entrance.

"Morning all!" He greeted them, and then he turned to Mrs. Lipton. "And how's my lovely rosebud?" Mrs. Lipton giggled and replied.

"All the better for seeing you, darling."

"Is there a pot of tea on the go?" PC Wilson asked.

"It's just mashed." Mrs. Wilson answered. Everyone else just rolled their eyes.

"Ivy." Stokes commented. "If we both get the sack why don't you come on the boards with me? It's a wonderful life."

"No thank you, Mr. Stokes!" She replied sharply.

"Well," James commented as Stokes poured himself a cuppa, "I don't wish to make an issue out of this but, Ivy, you're rather naïve. I think it would be best if we stuck together."

"Really?" Ivy asked him, "You'd really like me to be with you?!?"

"Purely on a professional basis, Ivy." He replied while Mrs. Wilson poured him a cup of tea. "I don't want you being led astray by some of the more scheming members of the working class."

"There you go again," Stokes commented, "'The more scheming members of the working class.' Don't you realise that the upper class can be just as scheming?!?"

"Don't start, Mr. Stokes!" Ivy snapped. "Anyway Mr. Teddy's gonna start work tomorrow, isn't he."

"I just can't understand him." Mrs. Wilson commented. "Giving up a life of luxury to marry a maid!"

"Least said, soonest mended." James commented before the conversation went too far.

"You know that better than anyone, don't you, Mrs. Wilson." Henry added.

"Don't be cheeky!" She responded before giving him a clip round the ear.

"And on top of that the Honourable Teddy and Miss Poppy are both getting married on the same day in different churches!" James commented.

"I've been talking to his lordship about that." Mr. Stokes replied. "He said that you're invited to Miss Poppy's wedding but no one else downstairs has any part in either of them."

"I hope you can resign soon, dear." PC Wilson told his new wife. "I'm retiring soon and I want to get that house as soon as possible."

"Don't worry," She replied, "His lordship said that we'd better be prepared for a staff meeting at any time in the next few days."

---

Later on the family were in the drawing room waiting for lunch when the front doorbell rang.

"Good evening, sir," James announced as he answered the door, "You are expected." Then Colin Bakewell walked in, he was a 5' 10" moderately-built man in his twenties, he seemed to be constantly half-asleep and stooped forward a bit like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

"Would you mind putting my coat up, please, Mr. err…?"

"Twelvetress sir," James answered as he took Colin's coat, "I'm his lordship's footman."

"Well I never would've guessed!" Colin commented sarcastically. Then James announced him to the family.

"Ah, nice of you to come, Mr. Bakewell!" Lord Meldrum declared.

"I don't think I could've refused your generous offer." Colin replied. 'It's better than eating out every lunchtime.' He thought to himself.

"Excuse me, sir." Stokes commented as he entered the room. "Lunch is served."

"Thank you, Stokes." Lord Meldrum answered. "Cissy, show where Mr. Bakewell's sitting, would you." Then they moved into the dining room, the family all sat in their usual spots with Colin on Lord Meldrum's left-hand side.

As they started on the main course Lord Meldrum got the ball rolling.

"Mr. Bakewell," He addressed, "I must confide in you, I'm in a bit of financial trouble."

"Oh," Colin replied, "I see."

"Don't get me wrong," Lord Meldrum continued, "The family business will be back on it's feet soon, but I fear it won't be soon enough to make further cut-backs."

"Err," Colin paused, "What sort of cut-backs?"

"That's why I'm talking to you about it." Meldrum responded. "I might have to make staff reductions, but I don't want to leave the servants in the lurch!"

"Well," Colin commented as he pondered on the possibilities, "It all depends on what they intend to do if they have to leave your service!"

"Why do you say that particularly?" Lord Meldrum asked.

"Well, you see," Colin replied, "If any of them wish to continue in service I think I know someone who'd be happy to take them on."

"Well," Lord Meldrum pondered, "Our cook recently got married so she won't need to look for another job. But as for the others, they might be interested. I tell you what," He said finally, "I'll leave them with a standing offer, so if I have to give them the sack they can come to you."

"My lord," Colin commented, "I do a lot of travelling. If you give them a day's notice I can pop round the next day if you give me a ring and escort them to their new employer! Here is my card." He handed Lord Meldrum a small business card with one of his phone numbers on it.

"Thank you, Mr. Bakewell!" Lord Meldrum responded. "It's a fine idea!"

---

Later on that night Colin was slinking through the streets, he was wearing a dark cloak so as to elude any nosy pedestrians.

'This'll work,' He thought to himself, 'I'm sure only James and Ivy will take any interest in this offer, demo I don't know if Stokes will be with them. I'll be ready for when the time comes.' He ducked down an alleyway and toddled up to a police phone box. He removed a key from under his jacket and unlocked the door, and then he placed his hand on the panel at the side that looked a bit like a combination lock before the door opened and he slipped inside.

---

Two days later Teddy had started his work in the motor trade and both he and Poppy were to marry the next day. It was 10:30 and the staff were taking a tea break after hearing that Lord Meldrum wanted to speak to all of them in five minutes.

"This looks like it," Mr. Stokes commented, "He'll either dock our wages again or he'll give some of us the heave-ho."

"I'd hardly think his lordship's the type to give his staff the heave-ho just because of financial trouble," James notified, "But he will probably have to dismiss some of us."

"Well," Mrs. Wilson commented, "I'll be glad to get out of this apron after all these years."

"Better get your night-things ready, Blanche," PC Wilson told her, "The sooner we get into our own house, the better!"

"Well," Stokes announced upon glancing at the clock, "We'd better get on with it." He rose from his chair as the others got moving, Mabel didn't rise from a chair because she wasn't sitting down and PC Wilson didn't budge as he was not on the staff. "Once more unto the breach; James, Ivy, Henry, Mabel," He looked to see if PC Wilson was watching before he finished, "Blanche." He then opened the kitchen door and exited with the rest of the staff tailing behind him in order of seniority.

Lord Meldrum was waiting in the study with Cissy and Poppy seated in the background.

"I suppose James'll have two job offers," Poppy commented, "He could go with that mysterious Mr. Bakewell for that job he was talking about or he could get a place with me and Jerry once we get married." She smirked with the thought of the footman continuing in her service.

"That is entirely up to James, you know, Poppy!" Lord Meldrum told her.

"Well," She responded, "It's still an offer, daddy." Just then there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Meldrum announced, the servants all filed in.

"You sent for us, my lord?" Stokes addressed him.

"Yes," Meldrum replied before he began to really speak; "Now you all know I've had some severe financial problems and I've done all I could to keep us all together, but the fact remains that the time has come. I can no longer afford for all of you to remain in my service, so some of you will have to go." There was a pause as a look of dread spread over nearly every servant's face. "But I'm a fair man and if any of you wish me to give you a reference I'll be more than happy to write one out for you; I would also like to note that you can save packing your bags until tomorrow if you're to leave."

"Thank you, my lord." Stokes commented.

"I've always thought of you as a most considerate employer, my lord." James added.

"I've never had better employment before I came here, my lord." Ivy commented.

"Well, I think it's fair if I stop beating about the bush and got straight down to business." He got out some references he had drafted the previous evening.

"Mrs. Wilson." He addressed the cook.

"Yes, my lord." She replied.

"You are to retire soon, aren't you?" He commented.

"The sooner the better, my lord. My husband is starting to lose his patience."

"Well, you can wait no longer. You may resign if you sign this." He handed her a piece of paper that contained a legitimate resignation and a fountain pen, which she signed gratefully. "Stokes." He addressed the butler.

"Yes, my lord." He responded.

"I'm afraid I shall have to dismiss you. Will you require a reference?"

"I would be grateful of one, my lord," He answered, "But I think I'll be going back on the boards."

"Oh," Lord Meldrum responded, "Well I hope I'll be able to see one of your acts. As a matter of fact, I've never really thought of you as a comic."

"One has to keep up appearances as a butler, sir." Stokes commented as he received his reference.

"James." Meldrum addressed the footman.

"Sir." He replied.

"I fear that our working relationship will end here, too. Would you like a reference?"

"I would be truly grateful, sir." James answered. "I would really like to continue in service."

"Well," Meldrum commented as he handed James his reference, "I'm sure you'll do a first class job." James thanked him as he received his reference. "Ivy."

"Yes, my lord." She responded.

"You will also have to go, I'm sorry."

"Oh, no need to apologise, my lord."

"You're a good girl, Ivy. Would you like a reference?"

"Oh, yes please, my lord!" Meldrum smiled at her chirpiness and handed her her reference.

"Any idea what you'll be doing next, James, Ivy?"

"Well, my lord," James answered, "I promised Ivy I'd help her through. She's a rather naïve sort of girl and needs protecting."

"You're a good man, James. And you, Ivy, are very keen. If you're interested, Mr. Bakewell knows of someone who'll be glad to employ you; I can call him if you like and then you two can meet him tomorrow."

"Thank you, my lord." James responded.

"Or, if you prefer, Poppy's getting married to Jerry tomorrow and she'd like you, James, to consider employment with them."

"I was nice of her to offer," James answered, "But I feel that I'd be better off if I assisted Ivy." He turned to Ivy. "Would you like us to consider Mr. Bakewell's offer?"

"Oh, yes please, my lord!" She answered.

"Very good." He answered. "Oh," He added as he picked up the telephone, "Henry, Mabel, you'll have to fill their shoes now!"

"Yes, my lord." Henry responded.

"When Ivy moves out, Mabel, you can move into her room."

"Oh," She commented, "That'll be nice! But what about my husband, he's flat on his back all day."

"Well, I'm sure we can come to some arrangement." Lord Meldrum finished off. "That'll be all!" They all bowed or curtsied before leaving.

---

"Well," Stokes commented as they returned to the kitchen, "Things can only get better now. Just so long as we can find employment where necessary."

"I'm disappointed," James informed them, "Having to leave his lordship. But there's one consolation, this'll hopefully be the last time I see you, Alf Stokes!"

"Really, James Twelvetrees," Stokes replied, "After all we've been through together; sharing our rations in the trenches, enduring the hardships of the war, when we fought the Jerries together, when we ran away from them together."

"You're the one who had the biggest share of our rations!" James told him. "And you were the one to first suggest we retreat!"

"Well," Stokes pondered, "We might as well start packing. We're gonna be outta here by tomorrow morning."

"Is this true?" PC Wilson asked. "Are you all going?"

"Except for me and Mabel, yes!" Henry answered.

"Well Blanche," He addressed the cook, "Looks like we can finally settle down and take life as it comes." She giggled and tossed her head in a floaty manner. "So, what about the rest of you?" He finally got round to asking the others.

"Well, I'm going on the boards!" Stokes told him.

"Oh," Wilson replied, "I hope I can see one of your numbers. What about you two?" He finished as he turned to James and Ivy.

"We'll stick together." James told him. "Apparently Mr. Bakewell knows of someone who could use our services as footman and housemaid."

"That Bakewell's a funny sort." PC Wilson commented. "He has this tendency to duck down alleyways at night while wearing a dinner cape."

"Are you sure?" James asked him, Wilson nodded and added.

"And even weirder, I saw him go inside a Police phone box when I couldn't get in using my key."

"Perhaps he's in the special branch?" Ivy suggested.

"Search me." PC Wilson answered.

---

Next morning Colin Bakewell entered the driveway of the Meldrum household, the time being 08:30, certain to meet up with James and Ivy. Meanwhile they were finishing their packing, alongside Alf Stokes and Mrs. Wilson.

When Colin rang the doorbell Henry was the one who answered it.

"Good morning, sir." Henry addressed him in a Noel Coward accent. "Whom so-ever do you wish to see?"

"Lord Meldrum is expecting me." Colin replied, Henry stood aside and let him in.

"May I take your coat, sir?" Henry asked after he shut the front door.

"No, don't bother." Colin replied. "I'm not staying long."

"His lordship is in the drawing room." Henry told him. "I shall inform him of your hereabouts!"

Upon hearing Henry knock on the doors Lord Meldrum beckoned him in verbally.

"Mr. Bakewell is here to see you, my lord!" Henry told him.

"Okay," Meldrum replied, "Show him in, Henry." Upon doing so Henry left as they made their greetings. "They won't be long," He told Colin, "They're all just finishing their packing."

"The early bird gets the worm, I suppose." Colin commented, Meldrum only gave a slight nod in understanding.

Just then Stokes, James, Ivy and Mrs. Wilson all exited their bedrooms simultaneously; lugging suitcases behind them.

"His lordship is expecting us in the drawing room, Ivy." James told her. "He said Mr. Bakewell will be waiting for us." So while Ivy followed James, Alf Stokes and Mrs. Wilson made small talk as they slowly descended the stairs.

"Now," Lord Meldrum asked Colin, "Are you sure this is a suitable job for them?"

"Absolutely!" Colin assured him. "You work hard for ten pounds a week in my experience, but this is a whole new setting for them."

"You know, you're absolutely right!" Meldrum told him. "£10 a week is a very generous wage, so hard work is only mutual. But," He added as he thought about Colin's last sentence. "Does this mean we won't be seeing each other again?"

"I strongly suspect so." Colin informed him. Just then, Henry stepped in and said.

"Mr. Twelvetrees and Ivy are ready to see you now."

"Show them in, Henry." Lord Meldrum told him, whereupon Henry bowed and stood aside as James and Ivy entered the drawing room. "Well James, Ivy, this is where we part ways."

"Yes indeed, sir." James replied.

"I've had such a good job here, my lord." Ivy commented.

"Thank you, Ivy." Lord Meldrum replied. "And I speak truthfully when I say that you're both some of the best servants this household ever had. But, it looks like this is… goodbye."

"Might I explain my proposition to them, Lord Meldrum?" Colin asked.

"Yes, go ahead." He replied.

"Well, Mr. Twelvetrees, Miss Teasdale," He started, "The good news is I can get you a place with a most generous employer where you'll be working alongside some very friendly fellow employees. The bad news is you won't be able to be in contact with anyone you know, aside from myself. I've no time to explain it in detail here, but you'll get the low-down on our way."

"Well," James commented, "I'm sure something is better than nothing, and I'd appreciate employment with someone with the same generous heart as his lordship."

"I'm not that comfortable with not being able to speak with everyone I've come to know around here," Ivy commented, Colin braced himself, "But I suppose there's a catch to everything." Colin relaxed.

"OK," He said, "I'll give you 15 minutes to say goodbye to those whom you wish and then I'd like you to meet me at the top of the stairs leading to the tradesman's entrance." James and Ivy nodded, after saying goodbye to Meldrum they left.

---

"There comes a time in every father's life," Stokes said to Ivy, "When he has to let his kids go. So I'm not upset about this, although I am nervous of what'll happen."

"I wouldn't worry yourself, Alf Stokes," James commented, "I'll be there, and I think she'll be better off with me as I've noticed she's not had much experience of social etiquette."

"Good old James," Stokes responded, "Always sticking up his nose at the littlest faults."

"Well," James finished while looking at the clock, "We'd best be going. We've still got a couple of minutes but I don't think that'll make much difference."

"Well," Said Ivy, "Goodbye dad."

"Goodbye Ivy." Stokes replied. Ivy and James hauled their luggage out the back door and made their way up the stairs leading to the street.

---

"Ah," Colin declared when he saw James and Ivy coming towards him, "You're right on time!" James and Ivy were a bit perplexed, Colin's demeanour had suddenly changed from polite and calm to casual and enthusiastic.

"Well," Said James, "It doesn't do to let one's standards slip." Colin made a slight snigger and said.

"In this case you might have to rethink your standards, it's a… foreign opportunity!" James and Ivy were stunned.

"Why didn't you say?" She asked, Colin thought for a bit and answered.

"Because if I had mentioned these details before you probably wouldn't understand how it's an improvement. The country in question isn't reputed for technology at this period in history. Perhaps we could talk it over at breakfast."

"Oh, yes please!" She said, James wasn't too sure.

"I'm not really comfortable with this proposition." He said. "Do you promise that this'll be good employment?" Colin thought for a moment and answered.

"I don't usually make promises, they often get broken. But in this case I swear on my great-aunt's grave that this is an absolutely superb job opportunity! I should know, I've talked with family and servants often enough."

---

"Three pints of milk stout, a vodka and orange juice and mine's a navy rum." Colin was getting himself, James and Ivy some alcoholic drinks after they had breakfast.

"Why are we having a drink at this time in the morning?" James asked.

"Muscle relaxant," Colin answered, "We'll need it for the trip."

"But I'm teetotal!" Ivy told him.

"So was I until I started travelling in this manner." He informed her. "You only need to take something like three pints of beer before each trip. Actually, that's not exactly true; it's only when you're using the electro-photon cloak that you're best of taking some alcohol beforehand."

"There you are, sir." The landlord said as he handed over the drinks.

"Thanks," Colin replied, "How much is that?"

"Seven and sixpence." He answered, Colin handed him a ten shilling note.

"Keep the change." Colin added.

"Ooh," The landlord responded, "Thank you, sir!" While the landlord put the money in the till, Colin nodded Ivy and James over to a discreet part of the tavern.

"How long have you known me?" He asked them, James thought for a moment and answered.

"About a week or ten days, you seemed to have been an upright gentleman to me."

"Right," Said Colin, "How would you react if I told you that I'm not actually a Londoner, but from a large Leicestershire village…" He softened his voice, "In another dimension?"

"Don't know," James responded, "I can't see any reason for such a thing to be true."

"Drink up," Colin told them, "You'll soon see."

"This has been a surprising day," Ivy commented, "I had been wondering why we had to take all our money out of the post office."

"Ivy!" James barked. "Keep your voice down! There are some people who'd be very interested in our earnings and it'd be better if they did not know."

"Well," Colin muttered, "I would've thought it was the obvious move considering I had informed you beforehand that you'll be moving away."

After about five minutes Colin and Ivy had finished their drinks while James was struggling with his last pint; Colin was insistent that they were to get going in less than an hour after breakfast.

---

Colin led James and Ivy through the streets of upmarket London; they were surprised by his navigation as he was going down one street, up another, bypassing some streets only to end up at the other end. James was suspecting that he needed a map. Eventually he decided to jump down an alleyway; James decided to follow first in case any low-lives were lurking in the shadows.

"Over here!" Colin called out as they entered the alley; they were surprised to find him standing beside a police phone box.

"I don't think we should go in there." James told him.

"Things aren't always what they seem, James Twelvetrees." He replied, giving a knowing smirk. "It may look like telephone box, but this is in fact our transport." They were stunned, but looked as though they wouldn't believe him. They observed him adopting some strange procedure to open the box. "Come on inside and you'll be on your way to a great job." Although they were both on edge at the various enigmas surrounding Colin they went ahead and stepped inside, with Colin following, closing the door behind them.

_Sendai kara Osaka ni_

_Anata ka mo shirenai onaji_

_Kurikaeshi ie de mina mo ichido,_

'_Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'_

_Machi e dete iku_

_Ugoku shakai tsuzuku,_

_Dai Hin Min to Dai Fugo._

'_Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'_

_Dakishimeru hen kara Tomoyo-chan_

_Kinomoto e to ai,_

_Soshite shoku kanojo ni, Sonomi,_

_Kanojo ni naru totemo kyosou no hageshii._

_Kyou keitai-denwa koko ni desu,_

_Soshite shiyounin kara Rengou-oukoku,_

_Demo Nadeshiko-san nakunareshite mo._

"_Watashi wa Shukujo, totemo kanashii!"_


	2. The Journey of a Lifetime

This is what the lyrics are supposed to mean:

_From Sendai to Osaka_

_You'll always here the same_

_Refrain in every house again,_

_"You Rang, M'Lady?"_

_Going out to town_

_Society continues to move,_

_Rich Men and Poor Men._

_"You Rang, M'Lady?"_

_The funny hug from Tomoyo-chan_

_To Kinomoto with love,_

_And at her job, Sonomi,_

_She gets so intensely competitive._

_Young lovers wearing sailor suits,_

_Upperclassmen with briefcases._

_The English can't comprehend what's happening!_

_"You Rang, M'Lady?"_

James and Ivy were shocked by the interior, not only did it look like some kind of advanced physics lab but it was also bigger than a police box would allow!

"Before you ask," Said Colin, "The reason it's bigger inside than it is outside is thanks to a major breakthrough in unified physics regarding the nature of wormholes and the relationship between information and matter. It's too complex for the average Joe to understand but it's actually fairly simple to operate." He wandered over to a central console and flicked a few switches.

Outside the portrayal of a police box faded into a mist-like constituency, no one would suspect it or be able to come into contact with it.

Inside James and Ivy suddenly felt as though some kind of siphon had entered their livers and fell on their knees.

"Here," Colin said as he threw a couple of packets of crisps over to them, "You'll feel better in a couple of minutes. I've just activated the phasing cloak, you've probably lost some salt and carbohydrates but that hearty breakfast should've mitigated the worst of it and the alcohol must've stopped you from falling flat on your faces." As James and Ivy nibbled on the crisps they wondered if they had made the right decision, after all the recent events were too weird and they had no idea where they would be going, but they assumed it was too late to turn back and would just go with the flow. "You can put your luggage anywhere at the side of the… vehicle."

Later on Colin explained to them that they would be entering a different reality, but they'd need to know the history between their 1927 and 1998 before they could move into this new reality. It was surprising enough when they found they would be entering another universe, but when it became apparent that they would be travelling forward in time as well it took the biscuit. James was naturally sceptical and carried a stern expression for about half an hour after this revelation; but Ivy was filled with amazement, excitement and astonishment at learning that they'd be travelling in a way no one had ever done before.

"It will take you a while to pick up on all the history required, but you can choose how to learn about it, namely with a book or with television." Colin told them.

"You mean that new thing that transmits sound and images through the ether?" James inquired, Colin nodded in confirmation.

"After all," He added, "Since I have gained access to the ultimate method of travel I can access any type of technology at any point in time, space and even stuff that only exists in other dimensions."

"How did you achieve this breakthrough?!?" Ivy asked, positively flabbergasted by all this.

"Well," Colin started, "I didn't actually design or build the machine, I'm just the driver. All the mechanical and mathematical activities that run the machine are so elaborate that it took all the most brilliant minds and hands to construct it. But it's relatively simple to operate as long as you have a mathematical understanding of A Level quality, otherwise you'll need the instructions." All this information went right over their heads. "Anyway," He continued, "There are sleeping quarters on this vessel, and we can stop off anywhere in the year that you've managed to get to in your studies for a meal." He pointed to the door leading to an upper level in the TARDIS-like machine.

"Well," James mentioned, "It is nearly lunch time now." Colin thought for a moment, he could handle the phasing system fairly well after all the travelling he'd done, but still required to have some protein and carbohydrates in his system beforehand and a stiff drink to ease the metabolic impact. However all the phasing wouldn't do James and Ivy much good, they just wouldn't be able to handle it.

"In that case," Colin suggested, "Perhaps your first lunch with me will be before we had breakfast." At first this confused them, as having lunch before you had breakfast when you already had breakfast didn't make sense. James was the first to catch to the meaning that they would have lunch in the past.

"What date did you have in mind?" He asked, Colin shrugged his shoulders in response and said.

"Any time you like. But I won't be using this matter phasing too much, you know what it did to you. However I can use the social cloak to make it seem normal in any time and place." Ivy thought for a moment and suddenly came up with an idea.

"Oh, could we go back to 1912?" She asked. "I've always wanted to revisit me childhood."

"I don't think it'll be quite how you remember it." James commented, Colin shook his head in agreement with him.

"But I can ensure that you get a good meal." He told them. "Any particular place you'd like to go? And by that I mean any town or country or such-like you fancy having it in, not any particular café or restaurant." There was a moments silence before Ivy suggested that James should decide the location, since she had already picked a year. They were still stunned by the fact that they had formed a form of friendship with someone who could travel anywhere and anywhen, and could even cross dimensions.

"I think it would be an appropriate atmosphere if we went somewhere in the South of England, maybe Dorset." James finally came up with a suggestion; Colin nodded and turned to the console. He warned them that there might be a sudden noise, and that it didn't always occur when travelling; but assured them it was less likely to occur when the probability of the form of travel was more likely (e.g. Travelling through time is less likely than travelling through space).

---

In the corner of a backstreet in Dorchester, 14th March 1912, an opaque version of a phone box materialised. The door opened and James and Ivy stepped out cautiously, Ivy gasped in astonishment.

"It hardly felt like we were actually travelling!" Colin came out next and asked them to follow him after he locked the machine.

Over lunch James and Ivy contemplated what all this would result in. Where were they going? Who would be their employer? What would 1998 be like? Ivy, ever the optimist, thought of a simpler world similar to the one they were in, but with all social ills and elements of corruption eradicated. James, on the other hand, was expecting a high tech version of their present society with a different style of class distinction, as long as there would be one.

"Some more tea, Ivy?" Colin asked, she shook her head as she finished her present mouthful.

"No thanks." She replied, Colin looked to James with an inquiring look; he got the message and shook his head in the negative. Colin called over the waitress.

"Can we have the bill, please?" He mentioned, whereupon she nodded and proceeded to total up the cost of their lunches.

As they came out of the café Colin jumped, slapped his face and cried out.

"Oh… sugar!" James and Ivy looked at him with confusion and an element of shock. "I meant to deliver the Meldrums a letter before I left!" There was a moment of thought before James suggested the obvious option, to go back to 1927 and deliver the letter at some point after they left.

---

The 9:30 post had an extra letter in it, marked as some sort of special delivery; Henry recovered it and handed it to Lord Meldrum, who was with the rest of the family in the drawing room after having breakfast.

Meanwhile, a few streets away, three figures slipped behind some bushes when they saw Colin, James and Ivy going out for breakfast.

"We meant to do that." Colin whispered as their past selves went round the corner. "The true paradox of time travel whereby anything you do in the past was meant to have been done because you had already done it." This causality principle went right over their heads, but they knew that they could not let their past selves see them unless they remembered meeting their future selves.

Back at the Meldrum household Lord Meldrum had taken the one letter that was unique in the lot; after opening it he noticed that it was addressed to all the Meldrums and asked Henry to read it out.

"It is a hobscene letter, my lord." Henry told him after silently skimming the first half of the letter, the shocked expression after doing so confirmed his words. Understanding the implications of this, and what might occur if Henry read it out loud, Meldrum decided to read it out himself.

"That'll be all, Henry." He said before he began reading, Henry politely retired from the drawing room. "Good lord, it's from Mr. Bakewell!"

"How can it be described as obscene?" Teddy asked. "He seemed like quite a decent chap to me."

"Me too," Meldrum replied, "But I'm sure we'll soon find out." The letter was as follows.

_Dear members of the family of Meldrum,_

_I am happy to have known you all and am glad to have provided to your two most distinguished servants with a second option of employment regarding the practice of service. But I feel that since we won't see each other again I think I can express myself in this letter and get a few hairs of my chest._

The last few words were surprising; in 1927 such an expression was seldom used by the middle class.

_You know the thing about the Honourable Teddy that really gets under my skin, that makes me want to slap him one across the cheek; it's his carefree approach to male employees in that he complains if a female employee is sacked he considers it a shame while he thinks that any dissent is enough to get a male employee kicked out._

"The bally cheek!" Teddy commented when Meldrum finished this.

_And as for Miss Poppy, what a complete and utter brat! Of all young privileged females I've ever known she's the worst! She thinks of no one but herself; it's all flaunting, flirting, snobbery, selfishness, pride and envy with her! There are many words to describe her aside from these (e.g. cat, bitch) and sometimes her bitchiness is so intense that it makes me think about what she'd look like without a nose to look down at people, or how she'd look in a noose!_

Poppy was truly aghast at this and didn't have time to respond to such an insult to her character before Meldrum moved on.

_Lady Lavender is a rather senile old lady; I cannot deny that she can be well meaning, but she's still rather toffee-nosed and I can't truly understand her habit of throwing food she doesn't like at people, I usually just leave it on the plate or eat it if it's proper for me to. And Lord Meldrum himself…_

He braced himself in anticipation of something truly hurtful.

_He is such a stuck-up toff that he can't accept reality unless it stares him in the face; even though he means well he can still be so uptight that he annoys even his own class, no to mention his hypocrisy regarding chastity. Next time you want a 'relationship', my lord, see what you have in common aside from position and wealth! There's much more to that sort of thing, love is more important than social standing and wealth; surely you must realise this now._

"He's condescending us!" Meldrum declared.

"Well," Teddy commented, "Only one left."

"I wonder what he's got to say about you, Cissy." Poppy commented in such a stuck-up tone.

_Miss Cissy is the only sensible person amongst you; she's what I call a true better! She's worthy of your social station and control of your enterprise; it is true justice for a socialist sympathiser to have substantial power as she does. As for Poppy's grievances for the whole situation surrounding her sister, I think she had it coming to her, like how Louis XVI had the guillotine coming to his neck._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Colin Bakewell._

"Chuck it in the fire, daddy!" Poppy told him.

"Well," Cissy commented, "I admit it's a bit strong but it does speak the truth."

"You're just saying that because he didn't say anything nasty about you!" Poppy informed her.

"But you've got to admit," Cissy added, "The message in layman's terms is 'The Meldrums stink!'. And there's no way he could've said that nicely."

---

As they made their way back to the Inter-Dimensional Time And Space Machine (IDTASM) Colin suddenly sneezed.

"Bless you." Ivy exclaimed.

"T'anks." Colin replied, mopping his nose with a handkerchief.

"You're not getting a cold, are you, Mr. Bakewell?" James asked.

"No." Colin answered. 'I expect they're talking about me.' He thought. "But please," He implored them, "Call me Colin. You don't need to be formal with me."

"If we may call you Colin," James mentioned, "You may refer to us by our first names."

"I already have!" He replied, at which Ivy giggled and Colin gave her subtle support for the touch of humour.

Later on, back in the IDTASM, Colin was directing James and Ivy to their temporary quarters and also provided advice for the use of their history resources. Ivy was concerned for the heavy research but Colin explained that they would have difficulty functioning in the 1990s unless they knew what happened between the 1920s and the 1990s. James was worried about leaving their money about but Colin pointed out a special machine that facilitated geographical and periodical currency wherever they went. They could load their money into it and it would automatically adapt accounts for them so they had the required money when they finished their journey.

---

James had just read all about the history between 1927 and 1932 while Ivy had only gotten as far as 1930 when it was time for dinner. Considering the economic situation of 1930 Colin decided that they would be better off having dinner in 1928, only one year later. On their way to dinner James and Ivy noticed little difference in 1928's London; the only evidence of the time jump being that the prices had gone up. Ivy hoped that she could find out when the depression would end before supper as she didn't want to set any of them back by too much.

However she only got as far as 1932 when suppertime came round while James had reached 1935 in his studies. This time they went to 1932 in the London suburb of Ealing. James and Ivy could now see clearly the difference 5 years could do. Ealing was a neighbourhood of the working class but respectable in the 1920s that they had left behind, but now it was dilapidated and litter was everywhere and here and there were beggars. Out of sympathy Ivy gave them three pence each in spite of James advising otherwise.

Supper was nothing special, which was no surprise considering that they were now at the end of the Great Depression. James was still disturbed by the fact that they were going hither and thither through time and were learning about all historical facts that, from his and Ivy's perspective, were the future. Ivy, on the other hand, was thrilled by the fact that they were travelling through time and were efficiently learning what will be happening (although she was clearly the slower of the two regarding education).

For recreation and mental relaxation the IDTASM had varying forms of entertainment that spanned the entire 20th Century and before. They were no strangers to radio but were surprised that they could choose what to listen to; for example, Ivy had found some classical music that had a soft tone to it and played a few tracks to help her sleep. James, on the other hand, went for an easy read from Charles Dickens, preferring some more grammar school-style recreation than modern pleasures.

---

Breakfast was in the exact same year with only a day's difference, as would be normal in the flow of time. James was wondering which country they would be employed in the end; Colin only tapped his nose and said.

"It's a country that changes so much in the time we'll be passing through, other than that I'll only say that it's not an English-speaking country so you'll need some special gadgets to help you hear, speak and read their language, fortunately these devices are discreet so they need not know of them." James was uncomfortable with deceit but thought it would be sensible as they would receive too much attention if the details of this escapade became public.

For lunch they went to Nottingham in 1935, as far as James and Ivy were concerned little was different to 1927, although a few new cars were around and new shops were turning up. Dinner was held in New York City 1940; the reasons for this were obvious as the Battle of Britain was underway at the time. For supper they remained in New York but went forward to 1943, things had moved on quite rapidly by now and one thing they noticed the most was the multitude of cars in the USA. James was rather nervous as he considered them a danger while Ivy was stunned as to how readily available they were, Colin shrugged them off as traffic jams and tailbacks were all too common for him.

Both were appalled by Hitler and had suspected Mussolini as a cruel leader even when he wasn't too much of a deal back in the 1920s; Stalin was also detested as cruel but James had particular distaste for him because he was a communist. The one thing that they shared was dislike for Fascism, especially when Colin elaborated on how the post-war world looked down its nose at such strong persecuting ways of thinking.

---

The following day Ivy was curious about some of the futuristic music genres that were available in the IDTASM, she listened to a couple of The Beatles' songs and some of The Move's music. She was amazed by its emphasis on love and peace, especially since she had been dropped into the middle of a 2nd World War! James, on the other hand, was curious as to what modern upper and middle classes did for recreation when it seemed obvious that music hall and ballet were things of the past by now; it seemed to him that board games and mating (e.g. gardening) were the new middle class hobbies while the upper class retained most of the pursuits that he knew them to be fond of.

For lunch they remained in the USA, except they now went to Cleveland in the winter of 1947. James was shocked by the fact that the Labour Party was now in power in the UK, but was horrified by the collapse of the British Empire and the rise of the Warsaw Pact. Ivy was suspicious of the New World Order but had little worry about it. Colin now felt it was time to tell them that the country they would go to would be one of those who were previously under a cruel and hated government and did so.

"You mean we might be employed Germany?" Ivy inquired, but he just smiled and winked his eye.

They managed to get dinner back in Britain 1953, James was concerned for how much the place had changed in the past 16 years but Ivy remained optimistic. Supper took place only two years later, this time they went to Ipswich for a change of scene.

---

The next day they had breakfast up in Lincoln, followed by lunch in Hereford 1961, dinner in Carlisle 1965 and supper in Carlisle 1968. So much was changing the James and Ivy had great difficulty in taking it all in, but Ivy had managed to catch James up in their studies. The things they had to do to get a new job.

And that's how it was for the rest of the week, James and Ivy witnessed history whizzing by: Watergate, Viking, Punk Rock, and Thatcher and (to James' relief) the collapse of the Soviet Union. The foods varied so much through the decades that it seemed like they were in a new country nearly every time they had a meal.

---

"This is it." Colin told them in the evening of a day in 1990. "You've only got years left, less than a decade before we move over to the universe where you'll start and new career and a new job."

"It's so exciting, isn't it?" Ivy commented enthusiastically, James made a reluctant agreement as they new nothing of this alternate reality that they would enter. As the decades whizzed by Ivy was filled with wonder over the many innovations, discoveries and cultural changes that occurred. James, on the other hand, held great contempt for the deviations from the expectations and etiquette that had sprouted from Victorian England, not to mention the fact that the British Empire had collapsed and the USA was now the leading world power, however he found consolation in the fact that the Soviet Union had fallen apart in the end.

As so the remaining history studies continued, a weekend of 1990s Britain followed by one day in The Netherlands 1997. The history that James and Ivy had to study met with amazement, fear, loathing, joy and wonder from the both of them.

---

They moved forward through the years, one problem healed when another sprung up as they studied each year in turn. Eventually they came to the end of their studies in 1998; they had dinner in the West End of London, where it all started 71 years ago.

"Well," Colin commented, "Tomorrow we will cross over and I'll see if you can get the employment you're so well suited for. Don't worry, I've come to know them quite well and they're good employers." Ivy was ecstatic that she was going to get a good job, upon hearing Colin's assurance that they were good employers she was ever so thrilled. James was also looking forward to getting back into service; he was appalled that in less than a century so many people let the side down.

Later on, back in the IDTASM, Colin was getting out a few devices that looked futuristic even by 1990s standards, even though the IDTASM itself was one big futuristic piece of technology.

"These'll help you understand, speak and read the language." Colin told them as he handed them the first device, which looked rather like a miniature hearing aid.

"What do expect us to do with that?" James asked him.

"Stick it in your ear!" He replied, James was unsure but Ivy decided to go ahead. It was an unusual sensation but it wasn't too bad, not as uncomfortable as an earring. The second device looked like a thin metal plate, it was designed to be placed under the tongue and felt a bit like a dental filling. While the last device was designed for glasses, a set of square clippings that go on the frames, James had to be given a pair of faux reading glasses to avoid arousing suspicion on his part.

"Come on, Mr. Twelvetrees," Ivy reassured him, "It's gotta be better than being unemployed." At this he conceded and took the glasses gladly.

---

Just as Colin began powering up the trans-dimensional drive James spoke up.

"I was wondering," He said, "If you would divulge the name of the country we're likely to be employed in now." Colin turned round, thought for a moment and said.

"Okay, it's…" He made a dramatic pause, "Japan." This took James and Ivy aback for a short while but settled down. Before commencing with the dimension jump Colin gave them a summary on Japanese etiquette; curiously enough James was very accepting of the more typical aspects of this (e.g. not wearing shoes indoors) and Ivy was fascinated by the differences in Japanese and British culture.

As he began to power up the quantum drive there was this loud siren-like noise, fortunately it was rather tame for its type of sound; the bad news was that James and Ivy had caught headaches from this and went into a small sitting room for a rest.

---

When they woke up their surroundings had completely changed; where once there were switches, lights and knobs now there were railings, deckchairs and a sea view.

"Where are we?!?" Ivy asked in bewilderment.

"Well," James replied, "I know it seems unlikely but it looks like the seafront at Margate." They stood up, exiting a pair of deckchairs and walked over to the railings.

"Thank goodness you said that, Mr. Twelvetrees." Ivy commented. "I thought I was losing it."

"Actually Ivy," James told her, "I thought I was, too." Ivy thought for a moment and suggested.

"Maybe we both are!" James sighed at the unlikelihood of such a thing and said.

"It's a nice day though, the Sun's shining." Ivy noted the charm of the sea as well.

"There's something odd about this though." She added, James glanced round and made a suggestion.

"Do you suppose it's the fact that the sea is as steady as a rock but the land keeps washing up and down?" This suggestion was decisively rhetorical but Ivy simply answered in the affirmative. Just then Colin's voice came through as though over a radio.

"Two to the power of 175,000 to one against, and falling." There was a slight hint of amusement in his voice.

"What's he talking about, Mr. Twelvetrees?" Ivy asked.

"I'm not sure, Ivy." He answered. "But it sounds like a measurement of probability."

"Meaning what, Mr. Twelvetrees?" Ivy pushed on.

"I'm afraid I don't know," James answered, "But I'm sure we're still inside that strange vehicle." He looked around and said. "But I'm not sure which room we're in." Then he was shocked by the following occurrences and listed them one after the other. First Margate melted into the background (literally), then the clouds started swirling round the sun like a vortex, followed by a blizzard and a sandstorm in one.

"…my legs sinking in the west!" He cried out as he suddenly dropped onto the gantry from having no legs, but then his left arm went numb. "My left arm's disappeared!" He acknowledged. "How am I going to wind my watch now?!?" He turned to Ivy for an answer and was shocked by what he saw. "Ivy, you're turning into a mouse, stop it!" Ivy looked around with bewilderment and twitched her ears.

"You what?" She squeaked, just then Colin's voice came through again.

"Two to the power of 92,000 to one against, and falling." Both James and Ivy were desperate to make sense out of the bizarre occurrences happening around them but Ivy was the only one who cried out.

"Hey, Mr. Bakewell!" She squeaked. "Where are you? What's going on?" She made a high-pitched squeak from the fear and uncertainty. "How can we stop this?" Her tail was curling up as though it was a spring.

"Please relax," He replied, "You are perfectly safe." Doing his best to relay a feeling similar to an airline hostess.

"That's all very well," She squeaked back at him, "But I'm now a giant mouse!" She squeaked as she let off steam. "And Mr. Twelvetrees is losing all his body parts." Now James was doing all he could to avoid falling over from having no limbs whatsoever.

"I think you owe us an explanation!" He called out.

"Welcome to Universe 2547/C." He answered. "Please do not be alarmed by anything you see or hear around you; you are about to experience a metabolic change as you enter a new colour spectrum at an improbability level of two to the power of 289,106 to one against, possibly much higher. We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of 58,000 to one against and falling, and we'll be restoring normality as soon as we are sure of what is normal anyway, thank you. Two to the power of…" He faded out.

"Mr. Twelvetrees," Ivy cried out as she suddenly transformed into an anime version of herself, "This is incredible! Reality can shift so extremely and yet he can still roll off the numbers, it's so amazing!" She turned round to James, who had a look of concern on his new anime face. "Mr. Twelvetrees, what's going on?" James looked off into a sea of chimps.

"Ivy," He answered, "There's an infinite number of monkeys out here typing 'Hamlet'." Then all these strange sights and sounds faded into the same sitting room they had left, except for the anime-style appearance, for they were now in an anime universe.

_From Sendai to Osaka_

_You'll always here the same_

_Refrain in every house again,_

_"You Rang, M'Lady?"_

_Going out to town_

_Society continues to move,_

_Rich Men and Poor Men._

_"You Rang, M'Lady?"_

_The funny hug from Tomoyo-chan_

_To Kinomoto with love,_

_And at her job, Sonomi,_

_She gets so intensely competitive._

_Mobile phones are here today,_

_And servants from the UK,_

_But Nadeshiko-san has passed away._

"_So sad, M'Lady!"_

I apologise to the BBC for borrowing their ideas regarding the TARDIS and Improbability.


	3. A Whole New World

_Sendai kara Osaka ni_

_Anata ka mo shirenai onaji_

_Kurikaeshi ie de mina mo ichido,_

'_Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'_

_Machi e dete iku_

_Ugoku shakai tsuzuku,_

_Dai Hin Min to Dai Fugo._

'_Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'_

_Dakishimeru hen kara Tomoyo-chan_

_Kinomoto e to ai,_

_Soshite shoku kanojo ni, Sonomi,_

_Kanojo ni naru totemo kyosou no hageshii._

_Wakai aijin suihei uwagi kiru,_

_Senpai no burifukesu._

_Ingurando-jin wakaru ha-aku suru hanasemasen!_

'_Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'_

In a small jitty, somewhere in Tomoeda, a police phone box materialised with a loud whirring noise.

"Twenty to one against and falling." Colin reported on board the IDTASM. "Eighteen to one against and falling." He continued counting down as probability levels came closer and closer to the universe's level of realism. "Three to one, two, one. Probability level of one to one. Reality is stable. I repeat, reality is stable. Anything else you can't cope with must be your own problem." He began to run over the onboard systems while waiting for Ivy and James to recuperate from the experience of transferring from one dimension to another; he had no problems because he was used to it and the main drive room on the IDTASM had a reality shield to keep the probability distortions to an acceptable minimum.

"That was an experience I'll never forget." Ivy commented as she checked to see that the IDTASM was as she remembered it.

"Never have I seen anything so unearthly!" James replied as he tried to retain his composure after the incident where reality was warped like a trampoline that had seen too many people bouncing on it in too many years. Just then Ivy bent over to pick something up off the floor.

"I think he's from the 21st Century, Mr. Twelvetrees!" She said as she looked at the magazine.

"What makes you say that Ivy?" James asked. "Considering the technology he could be from the 23rd Century for all we know!"

"I've just found this magazine lying on the floor." She replied. "It looks very old compared to some of the other stuff, so I suppose that it's from his original year. It's dated January 2012." James looked sceptical.

"I don't think this would've been developed by then." He said. "Perhaps someone else originally developed it even further into the future." He looked around for a moment before saying. "Come on, Ivy." Ivy put the magazine down and they both left the room.

---

Colin was checking over the IDTASM's systems, to make sure everything was functioning normally; he always did this after a dimension jump. When James and Ivy walked in he looked up at them and said.

"Well, everything seems t…" He stopped mid-sentence when he saw Ivy in her anime form, she seemed quite bewildered by how everything had changed in appearance, but that wasn't why Colin had stopped.

"What?" She asked, thinking that she had something wrong.

"It's quite uncanny." Colin replied. "You look just like an adult version of Miss Yanagisawa, except for your eyes and hair." Ivy seemed quite flattered.

"Who is this 'Miss Yanagisawa'?" Ivy asked; James looked suspicious of this comparison.

"A friend of the daughter of your intended employer." Colin answered.

"Hang on." James commented. "How old is girl to whom you refer?" Colin looked confused now.

"You mean Miss Yanagisawa or the daughter of your intended employee?" He inquired. "Still, they'd be about the same age."

"The latter was who I was thinking of." James replied, thinking that saying the whole thing would be a mouthful.

"I'd say about 10 or 11 years of age." Colin answered.

"Oh, quite young then." Ivy commented; Colin nodded.

"But you'd be surprised at how mature they are compared to their age." He added. "Now, you're both unfamiliar with Japan and Japanese society, right." They responded affirmatively. "So you'll need to learn about the protocol in Japanese society so you don't show yourselves up."

"That would be a most important skill to learn, Mr. Bakewell." James replied, still keeping to the original British protocol.

"So you will need to heed my advice and follow my example." Colin continued. "Once you've got the hang of it I'll make an appointment with your potential employer."

"That's a kind offer you're making, but I don't think I could stand another day of this… thing." James commented. "It's awfully bland and metallic." Colin smiled before responding.

"I've got the gist of what you're saying; however I'm one step ahead of you." James and Ivy were already stunned by everything that had occurred by now that this seemed to unfaze them. "Since I'm an interdimensional nomad I spend quite a bit of time in the IDTASM, but it does appear to be too mechanical so I have a few bits of property in different dimensions; those I like to visit a lot. This universe is one of them. In fact, I do consider it to be my favourite dimension." He regained his composure once he realised he was going off-track. "You two can lodge with me until you get used to Japanese protocol." He tweaked a few switches and sent the IDTASM into the back garden of this house.

"Colin," Ivy asked him, getting used to being informal with him, "Who are you?!?"

"I told you." He replied. "I'm an interdimensional nomad. I was in your dimension longer than I intended; I went for a week and was there for three."

"Well," James commented, "Why did you come?"

"Because you were going to be made redundant and I think that you're both very suited to being in service," They both agreed on that, "So I decided that you'd be better off with a more generous employer and a world many times kinder."

"I'll have you know," James commented again, raising his nose into the air, "That I've always considered Lord Meldrum to be a most considerate and generous employer."

"Well," Colin replied, "I know he tried to keep up the servants' morale but otherwise I considered him to be a bit stingy. He wouldn't hire a proper chauffer, he only paid his factory workers two and six and then two and four before Mr. Stokes upped it to two and eight." He took a breather before continuing. "He was a hypocrite, talking about Victorian values until Lady Agatha arrived. But that's nothing compared to his brother and, more significantly," He breathed in hard, suggesting he didn't like to say this next word, "Poppy."

"Oh, my god!" James exclaimed. "You're a socialist!"

"Negative, James Twelvetrees." He replied. "I'm a Social Democrat. I believe in National Health, State Pensions, the Declaration of Human Rights, the Geneva Convention, Environmentalism, Feminism, the freedom to pursue the one you love, the list is almost endless."

"Oh," Ivy commented, "That sounds just wonderful."

"It'll be mild by the time you've gotten into the swing of this universe." Colin answered. "Just one thing; your oral translators won't translate songs but your visual translators will compensate with subtitles, so I would recommend that you wear your glasses when listening to music or when you go to a concert."

"That sounds a bit odd," James commented, "Going to a concert with your glasses on when you only use them for reading."

"Not necessarily," Colin replied, "You can say they're bifocal, and besides I usually wear my glasses when I want to see something in the distance." They seemed to comprehend this. "Now, due to the time shift we must synchronise watches." James responded by taking out his pocket watch. "Mine are in the store room and can be set from here." He checked the onboard chronometers. "It's… ten past twelve… 1999… the twenty-fourth of… MAY!" He cries out the last one. "That means… I've got four days to get her a birthday present!"

"A friend of yours?" Ivy asked. Colin remembered he had company and sweat-dropped (they were all in anime form).

"Yeah, but we don't really see each other much in the classic sense." He answered.

---

Later on they had moved into the house. Colin had whipped up a bit of lunch while James and Ivy were unpacking for the time being and they were now sitting down to eat.

"Wait," Colin commented in the middle of lunch, "The time is now ten past one." He put down his cutlery and checked through a diary of his. "I've been away for so long," He muttered, "But…"

Over at the Tsukimine Shrine an opaque phone-box stood just outside the entrance. Kaho Mizuki wasn't far away, talking with a young man.

"I see," She said, "And how long have you been doing this?"

"One and half years so far, from my point of view, Mizuki-san." The man replied. "I must go now and when I come back I hope to bring a couple of passengers. I feel sure that they'll be suited to service at the Daidouji household." Kaho nodded in understanding.

"You're an enigmatic person," She told him, "But I'm used to dealing with the enigmatic and unusual, Bakewell-san."

"I can't say when I'll be back," Colin answered, "But I'm sure it'll be soon."

"Goodbye, Colin Bakewell." She said,

"Goodbye, Kaho Mizuki." He replied. He walked out of the shrine and entered the phone-box with Kaho watching all the time. The phone-box then dematerialised as it fazed through time and reality.

---

At first James and Ivy were under an informal curfew so they could get used to the more basic aspects of Japanese etiquette. It didn't take them long to get used to removing their shoes at a certain location in the house but eating with chopsticks was a tricky business, let alone avoiding crossing them on the crockery. Bowing wasn't a problem for James but Ivy had to take some time getting used to it.

"It would help if you addressed your betters with the Japanese titles," Colin told them, "Because the translators have trouble with them. When addressing your betters always put 'sama' at the _end_ of their names, in the case of an equal you put 'san' on the end of their names and, for children who are not your betters, use 'kun' for boys and 'chan' for girls." James and Ivy seemed confused by this so Colin decided that they should learn by practice and took them out for dinner during the last few days of the week.

By following Colin's example James and Ivy could both get the hang of certain Japanese customs.

---

When James and Ivy were still on curfew Colin had returned to the IDTASM and whizzed off into yet another dimension. From James' and Ivy's point of view he was only away for half a minute but Colin had actually been away for two days.

He had been away shopping for Chiharu Mihara's birthday, since he was known in this universe and got on particularly well with Kaho Mizuki. He had also taken the liberty of getting Takashi Yamazaki something for _his_ birthday.

If you're interested he deduced what to get by their favourite colours and their greatest desires. For Chiharu a yellow plush toy with a ribbon tied round its neck from Harrods, for Yamazaki a joke book with a deep red cover and he even paid for Harrods to wrap them for him while he would do the name tags.

---

One day Colin asked for Ivy and James to spare some time with him in the study. Once the time came round he asked them to give him their references.

"What for?" Ivy asked him.

"Well," He replied, "You were given these references in 1927, so they most likely have the date of them and there's gonna be a lot of raised eyebrows if they see that it's dated 1927. I'll have to modify a few minor elements."

So he opened the envelopes and, with great effort and delicacy, changed 1927 to 1999. Then he turned to Ivy and asked her.

"Do you want to use your real surname or will you stick with your mother's maiden name?" Ivy was stunned and took a while to reply as she tried to choose between honesty and personal preference since she was ashamed of her father's weak principles and immoral behaviour.

"What do you think, Mr. Twelvetrees?" She asked, he stood for a moment as he considered the situation and said.

"Well, I think you've gotten used to the name 'Teasdale' and I do want to forget about that… worm. I think it'll be alright if you use your false surname and adapt it as your own." Ivy accepted this and, with that, Colin left her surname alone but then extracted some special papers out of a drawer.

"These officially permit you to live and work in Japan as British immigrants but you'll have to come round here annually in order to renew them." He handed them over. "I put on some fake birth dates relating to how old you were in 1927 and you'll have to treat them as your actual dates of birth because people will be asking a lot of questions if they learn that a young lady who looks mid-twenties turns out to be 97." Ivy nodded in understanding since she had to go through this sort of thing before while James had to consider the situation before he decided to go along with it for safety and sensibility.

---

All three of them were finishing their dinner, having gone out for Saturday night as a special treat, when Colin brought up the topic of their employment.

"I've made an appointment with Daidouji-san tomorrow to discuss the possibility of your employment. I think there's a good chance for you but you will require a few more tips once I've gotten confirmation from her." Ivy and James thought for a moment as they considered this.

"What sort of person is Daijoudi-san?" Ivy asked him.

"That's Daidouji, Ivy." Colin told her. "Well, she's a self-made lady who is very focused on her work and a loving mother and aunt."

"Well, Lord Meldrum was a self-made man." James commented.

"Yes," Colin replied, "But he only spent one day a week in 'the city'; Daidouji-san spends something like six-to-eight hours a day, five-to-six days a week at her office… and working from home is much easier in the nineties."

"What sort of business is she in?" Ivy inquired, curious about her potential employer.

"She's in charge of the Daidouji Toy Company, although I expect her to go into other businesses… I haven't checked. Also she might have a few shares in businesses outside her own." This made some sense to them as they finished their plates. "Would either of you care for any dessert?" James shook his head and Ivy said.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed." So Colin called for the bill.

---

The next day Colin set off at eight o'clock in the morning with Ivy saying goodbye and James just coming down the stairs.

"I didn't oversleep did I, Ivy?" He asked after seeing the front door close.

"No, it's alright Mr. Twelvetrees." She replied. "He just had to set off now because his appointment is at half past eight." James shrugged his shoulders and sat down to breakfast.

"I do question our decision to go ahead with this sometimes." He commented. "It's not natural." Ivy thought for a moment and said.

"I shouldn't worry too much, Mr. Twelvetrees, he seems very keen on getting us a good job. He told me that he travels round trying to deliver only what people deserve."

---

"They sound like the sort of diligent servants that would be welcome here." Sonomi commented to Colin as they sat in her study, discussing her potential employees.

"I think I should warn you, Daidouji-sama," He replied, "Twelvetrees-san is a very uptight man and is very strict towards those below him and Teasdale-san is an excitable, naïve and chatty girl but, as I said, they are both hard workers and eager to deliver their services." Sonomi thought for a moment and said.

"Okay. I can give them instructions in terms of behaviour and I'm sure you'll give them a few tips." Colin nodded. "I'll see them tomorrow at half-past nine in the morning."

"Thanks very much, Daidouji-sama." Said Colin as he rose from the chair he was sitting in and bowed to Sonomi.

"It was good of you to come, Bakewell-san." She replied and returned the bow before he departed.

Not long after he left Tomoyo entered the study.

"What was Bakewell-san doing here, mother?" She asked as Sonomi looked up from her paperwork.

"He knows two people who are interested in going into service and he thought that we'd be the best employers." She informed her daughter, who seemed even more curious about it.

"What are they going to be?" She asked.

"Well," Sonomi considered what was discussed, "I'll have to interview them tomorrow but one's intended to be a butler while the other's intended to be a parlour maid."

"It's always nice to meet new people." Tomoyo commented and Sonomi nodded in some agreement before Tomoyo left to work on Sakura's latest costume.

---

Colin returned to his Tomoeda residence humming Campton Ladies with great conviction; upon entering the door his jovial behaviour did not go unnoticed.

"You're in a good mood, Mr. Bakewell?" Ivy inquired.

"And why shouldn't I?" He replied; he noticed that James didn't seem very impressed by the whole charade. "You've both got an appointment with Daidouji-san tomorrow at half-past nine in the morning." Ivy was overjoyed by this.

"Oh, isn't that wonderful!" She exclaimed while James just took it in his stride.

"It's progress but one shouldn't count one's chickens." He commented; although this dampened down Ivy's spirits Colin remained confident.

"You don't know the Daidouji family." He deliberately started speaking Japanese although James and Ivy were hearing him in English. "I'm sure you'll be alright."

---

The next morning Colin got up early to make the breakfast, but there was an ulterior motive for this.

Once James and Ivy had sat down, all ready for their interview, he spoke up.

"Tomoyo Daidouji, Daidouji-san's daughter, is the one you'll have to look after most of the time and she's very likely to invite her friend, Kinomoto-chan," He deliberately used this to cover any idea of her importance, "Over for various things. It is very important that you don't get into trouble with either of them."

"Well," James commented, "I can't see how we could upset our betters."

"This is one time where the word 'betters' can be used with the greatest conviction but, James Twelvetrees, there are some unorthodox ways in which you can get into trouble. You can avoid making fools or worse of yourselves if you remember these three rules: One, you must never, I repeat 'never', walk in on them unannounced except first thing in the morning."

"Alright." James accepted.

"Second," Colin continued, "Never mention ghosts in Kinomoto-chan's earshot; she tends to be extremely nervous when the subject of ghosts is brought up."

"Well I'm not very comfortable talking about them either." Ivy commented.

"What's the third?" James asked.

"The third is the most important. Don't call Kinomoto a monster if you want to avoid an earthquake simulation." Both of them seemed bewildered by this but took it in their stride.

---

Colin led them round the outside perimeter of the Daidouji estate to the tradesman's entrance.

"From this point on you'll have to be on your own." Colin told them as he indicated the doorbell. "Good luck." After James rang the doorbell a maid answered about three minutes later; once they explained themselves she let them in and asked them to wait in the kitchen.

"My name is Momiji Sapporo by the way." The maid greeted as James and Ivy took their seats. "It's nice to meet you…" The sounds she made from hesitation were clear signs for introductions to be made. James and Ivy gave their full names and explained that they were English.

"Are you here for the jobs?" The cook asked as she took interest in these newcomers.

"Yes," James replied, "A friend of… Daidouji-shi recommended us." He did his best to make use of the tiny bits of Japanese Colin had taught them.

"Well," The cook commented, "Daidouji-dono is in a business meeting at the moment but she will be expecting you. Would you like a cup of tea while you wait?" Ivy was particularly grateful for that offer while James was very calm and collected in his accepting of the offer. "My name is Kigure Hinomata," She mentioned as she put the kettle on, "I hope we'll get on quite well."

"I hope so, too." Ivy commented. "When I was in service for the Meldrum family back in England I always thought of our relationship as being like that of a family."

"Ivy," James told her, "Don't gossip. I understand your feelings but small talk isn't worth it." Momiji seemed surprised.

"You've not been in Japan for very long." She commented. "That is how we make conversation."

---

Sonomi put the phone on the hook as she finished her call. She knew that the new servants were expected by this time and she did not want to keep them waiting. She buzzed for the servants.

Downstairs the sound of the buzzer seemed alien to Ivy and James and the light showing on the room-bell board was rather flamboyant, especially as far as James was concerned.

"I expect she'll want to see you now." Momiji commented as they finished their tea. "Come on." With that she led them up the servant's stairs to Sonomi's study.

Once they reached the door to the study Momiji asked them to wait where they were while she knocked and entered upon being prompted.

"Excuse me, Daidouji-dono," She commented, "But the people are here for your interview."

"Thank you, Sapporo-san." Sonomi replied. "Please show them in." Momiji went out for a bit so as to ask James and Ivy to enter before standing by the door and announcing them. Upon entering the study both James and Ivy bowed to Sonomi as instructed by Colin and stood in front of her desk as they were used to. Without any prompting Momiji left the room and shut the door behind her. "Please be seated." She invited them, whereby James nervously took his seat while Ivy habitually curtsied before sitting down. "From what I've heard about you I'm perfectly willing to employ you once we've got all the paperwork sorted." James and Ivy understood the paperwork idea but did not yet realise how much paperwork they had to fill in.

First they handed their references to her, which prompted her to ask for their work visas, and then she brought out a form for each of them to fill in. This form did not figure very well with them; first their personal details were asked for, which was no problem, followed by their account details. While they had bank accounts set up the week before they had to keep double-checking the details. Finally they had to fill in the 'Equal Opportunities' field, something that James Twelvetrees was not too easy about since he still thought that inequality was the natural order. His hesitation did not go unnoticed and Sonomi simply mentioned that such a field was required by law when applying for a job.

Once that was sorted Sonomi now gave them their work contracts, which they had to read through and sign. Ivy actually found this a breeze as she agreed to nearly all the details although she wasn't comfortable about complaining in the event of any discrepancy between herself and her superiors; James, on the other hand, was very uneasy about this contract as it forbade him from dismissing any employee who was late unless they were late for more than 50 percent of the year, using corporal punishment on any of the employees who 'stepped out of line' as he saw it and it compelled him to pay the employees overtime if they worked later than normal or started earlier than normal and compelled him to allow advances and benefits in a financially difficult situation. One curious thing was that they were both permitted only one day off a week regardless of circumstances except in special 'emergency situations' that required extra payment for their services; any extra time off would have to be approved by either Sonomi or Tomoyo. Being devout Anglicans they both selected Sunday and finally signed and dated the contracts, after double-checking the date. Sonomi looked over the completed paperwork, filled in the fields designated for the employer and filed them for saying to them.

"You can start work right away. ¥123,000 a week for you, Teasdale-san and ¥400,000 for you, Twelvetrees-san." Both of them thanked her for her generosity with total conviction. "Teasdale-san," She addressed, "I'm sure you will be able to find a uniform that fits you; Sapporo-san will show you where they are. Dismissed." Ivy bowed really low and then exited. "Twelvetrees-san," She now addressed, "We've never had a butler before and you're our first male servant." James tensed slightly, worrying about several women throwing themselves at him. "So we don't have a uniform for you but I'm sure we can produce something." Thinking for a moment James made a suggestion.

"Perhaps I could go into town at one point and buy a butler's uniform; out of my own money, of course." Sonomi shook her head firmly.

"No need, Twelvetrees-san." She told him. "We can make one right here." James looked confused. "Just get settled in and we'll make arrangements this afternoon." She waited for Momiji to return after showing Ivy her room and finding her a maid's uniform. James, being very strict about protocol, did not fidget as he waited with her.

Eventually Momiji returned with Ivy, who had changed into her uniform. James could not hold back is approval for the style of uniform nor how it seemed to fit Ivy so well in the physiognomic sense.

"Sapporo-san," Sonomi addressed her, "Would you please show Twelvetrees-san to his room?" Momiji complied and led James away while Ivy stood there, ready and willing to take on her duties.

"Is there anything I can do for you, milady?" Ivy asked, not sure what she was supposed to do once she moved in.

"No, that's all right, Teasdale-san." Sonomi replied. "You can go and unpack, and then you can head down to the kitchen and wait for instructions." Ivy acknowledged this and left.

---

Later on Ivy was taking a tea break along with Momiji and Kigure along with another member of staff who introduced herself as Taiki Rei, who Ivy noticed had a significantly different accent from the other two.

"Excuse me, Rei-san." Ivy spoke up, pausing to see that Taiki was willing to make conversation. "You're not from round here, are ya?" The translation of Ivy's Yorkshire accent in English over into Japanese made her sound like someone who was born in Hiroshima and spent most of her life in Osaka.

"That's true," Taiki replied, "I'm from South Korea." Ivy seemed to take this in pretty well, although uncertainty was still present in her mind. "What about you, Teasdale-san?"

"Oh," Ivy answered, "I'm English."

"Well," Momiji interjected, "You don't sound very English to me."

"Well," Ivy considered this before explaining, "I was born in Rotherham." Before anyone could ask Ivy realised that they were perplexed by this answer and continued. "It's in South Yorkshire." It took a while before Taiki figured it out and gave a vague idea of its location to the others.

"Mr. Twelvetrees?" Ivy inquired but did not wait for an answer. "Are you having trouble with the door?" Although his answer did not exhibit much emotion you could expect that he was exasperated by her query.

"No, Ivy, it's not the door." He answered. "It's… this…" The dots hung ominously but only Kigure recognised this.

"Well," Ivy commented, "If you're the butler you needn't wait to be asked in." With that she reached for the doorknob and opened the door. Only the other James Twelvetrees stood, filled with embarrassment; for Tomoyo's butler uniform was designed in such a way that those who are familiar with the anime Sailor Moon could recognise it as the costume of Tuxedo Mask. "Oh, Mr. Twelvetrees, you look ever so smart."

"Really, Ivy," He groaned, "I feel like a fool in this." Momiji smiled and mentioned that Tomoyo was rather keen when it came to costume designs. "If I went out in this, why, people will laugh at me." The three other servants contemplated this before Momiji suggested.

"If you have any complaints I'm sure Daidouji-dono will listen and, maybe, she'll make provisions for you." Hearing this James wondered if he should speak to Sonomi or not.

Ivy smiled as she looked at James both holding on to the Christian values she knew so well and also showed some flexibility with the servants. 'I really do think I'm gonna like it here.' She thought to herself.

_Sendai kara Osaka ni_

_Anata ka mo shirenai onaji_

_Kurikaeshi ie de mina mo ichido,_

'_Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'_

_Machi e dete iku_

_Ugoku shakai tsuzuku,_

_Dai Hin Min to Dai Fugo._

'_Watashi wa Shukujo Narashite ka?'_

_Dakishimeru hen kara Tomoyo-chan_

_Kinomoto e to ai,_

_Soshite shoku kanojo ni, Sonomi,_

_Kanojo ni naru totemo kyosou no hageshii._

_Kyou keitai-denwa koko ni desu,_

_Soshite shiyounin kara Rengou-oukoku,_

_Demo Nadeshiko-san nakunareshite mo._

"_Watashi wa Shukujo, totemo kanashii!"_


End file.
